Sister Heart Read online

  For my great-grandmother, with love

  For the children of the future, may you walk in a bright world

  A portion of the author’s royalties will be donated to the Indigenous Literacy Foundation

  www.indigenousliteracyfoundation.org.au

  one

  Here I am

  curled in the corner

  of a cold stone room

  with no one to hug

  but me

  A too-high window

  throws shadow lines

  on the moonlit floor

  Shadow lines

  Hard lines

  Straight lines

  Barred lines

  Like lines on a map

  slashing hills and creeks

  ridges and plains

  rocks and spinifex

  Old people laughed

  when Mum told them

  about the Boss’s paper map

  Grandpa Mick shook his head

  Hills won’t move for a line

  Trees won’t bend for a line

  Granny Rosy flicked her hand

  Pah — inside the lines

  Outside the lines

  It’s all our country!

  But here I am

  Trapped by lines

  walls

  window

  door

  shadows on the moonlit floor

  Fencing me in

  Cutting me off

  Slicing me away

  Making me cry

  cry

  cry

  for home

  Morning light streaks

  through the too-high window

  tickles my sore eyes

  teases my skin

  Bully boots

  thud, thud, thud

  Big keys jangle

  clink-clank clink-clank

  Door gives a rusty warning

  Right you – out!

  I shrink

  small as a spider

  press my face to the wall

  He yanks me up

  like a sack of flour

  Fist opens

  Here — eat this

  Not from him

  No bread from him!

  I spit on his bully boots

  He drops the stale bread

  Clouts my ear

  Been hit before

  Been hit on the station

  when I spilled tea on Boss’s visitors

  when I got in the way

  when I asked Boss a question

  Policeman sneers

  Why the Government’s

  wasting schooling on

  ungrateful kids like you

  beats me

  He pulls me forward

  Out!

  Where is he taking me?

  Where is my mum?

  Rough hands

  hurry me

  down a sandy track

  empty of Mum

  empty of anything

  except a swarm of flies

  buzzing a dead bird

  My ear throbs

  chest aches

  sobs bubble inside

  Down

  down

  down

  the track

  to the big saltwater

  Mum’s not here

  I look around

  She’s not here

  not there

  not anywhere

  Policeman yanks my chin up

  Look at me!

  I – will – not – look – at – him

  If I look

  I hear myself screaming

  to be let out of the store room

  hear Aunty Adie begging

  hear policeman telling Boss

  Thank you for confining this child

  No tricks

  do you hear me?

  He straightens up

  About time!

  My heart jumps

  Mum?

  A stooped stranger

  plods forward

  shooing flies

  with a stiff straw hat

  Is this the girl?

  She’s all yours, Reverend

  Got the manners of a camel!

  Reverend says

  Can she speak any English?

  She can speak it alright

  but don’t bother talking to her

  she won’t answer

  I’ve got more important jobs

  than babysitting kids!

  Reverend says

  God holds us all to a higher duty

  He reaches out a plump hand

  I kick

  squirm

  try to free myself

  Policeman shakes me

  Hey — I said no tricks!

  Reverend grasps my other arm

  I’ll take charge of her

  Hold her tight

  policeman says

  She’ll run like the wind

  if she can

  These kids are fast

  I am caught between them

  Reverend leans close

  My name is Reverend Dale

  I’m sailing on the ship too

  I will look after you at sea

  He points

  See that ship out there?

  Far out

  something rides

  the wrinkled water

  Is it a ship?

  I don’t know

  I’ve never seen a ship

  I’m a freshwater girl

  It looks small from here

  but it’s huge

  That ship can travel a long way

  It will get us safely to our destination

  He gives me an impatient smile

  So you see

  there’s nothing to worry about

  I gaze at the thing floating far out

  If it is a ship

  it won’t take me home

  No big saltwater to travel in my country

  If it is a ship

  it will take me somewhere else

  Why can’t I go home?

  I hate the stinking ship

  for sailing me

  far

  far

  far away

  I hate the smiley Reverend

  for forcing me

  on the ship

  even though I kicked him

  I hate the bully policeman

  for snatching me

  from the station

  when Mum was working

  at the out-camp

  I am lost

  lost

  lost

  in my saltwater tears

  I watch the waves rise

  heave

  fall

  Salty spray

  clings to my skin

  like a damp blanket

  Slowly

  slowly

  slowly

  the big saltwater swallows the land

  I spin round and round

  crying for land

  crying for home

  How will Mum find me?

  No tracks in the sea

  How will I find her?

  No signs to follow home

  Night brings sleep

  Sleep brings dreams

  Bad dreams

  Good dreams

  Tossing and turning dreams

  I dream

  I am hunting bush food

  with Mum and Granny

  My little sister rides Mum’s hip

  and babbles new words

  Ssh, little sister!

  We won’t catch dinner

  if you can’t be quiet!

  Granny points with her stick

  Claw marks in the red dirt

  goanna tracks

  I creep forward

  There! Behind a rock

  A tail

  Little sist
er squeals

  arms stretch wide

  big hug for goanna

  Dinner runs

  Gone!

  Aw, Mum

  I growl

  I’m hungry

  I wake crying

  rocking

  moaning

  holding my middle

  Not hungry

  Sick!

  My insides heave

  Reverend says

  You are seasick

  It will pass

  when you find your sea legs

  A little bread

  a little water

  will settle your stomach

  I don’t want bread and water

  I want Mum’s soft voice saying

  Ssh, ssh

  you’ll feel good by sunrise

  Reverend grumbles

  Come now child

  no more nonsense

  Take a little bread and water

  In goes bread and water

  Out shoots bread and water

  The sea is inside me

  I am dying

  Little bit by little bit

  guts stop swirling

  head stops spinning

  mouth stops spewing

  I hold down bread and water

  put my feet on the floor

  wait till dizzy passes

  take a step

  Reverend smiles

  Your sea legs have arrived!

  Not sea legs

  My legs

  land legs

  What’s wrong with him?

  Now child

  can you say

  Thank you Reverend Dale

  for helping me when I was sick?

  It’s good manners

  to say thank you

  when someone helps you

  Why should I thank him?

  He stuck me on the ship

  I’m sure

  if your mother

  was here

  she would want you to be grateful

  If Mum was here

  I’m sure

  she would whack

  whack

  whack him

  with her fighting stick

  Reverend says

  Now you’re feeling better

  would you like to hear a story?

  He holds something up

  This is a book

  This book is called a bible

  God’s wisdom lives inside this book

  I will read you some stories

  He reads me the story

  of a man named Daniel

  who is fed to hungry animals

  The story of a man named Joseph

  who is dropped into a deep hole

  The story of a man named Samson

  who is put in chains

  This last story is my favourite

  It is about a man named Jonah

  who is flung into the sea

  and swallowed by a whale …

  Reverend rests the bible on his knees

  stretches his arms wide

  A whale is like a giant fish

  He loves the story so much

  he starts to read it again

  I slip my hands

  under my curls

  cover my ears

  block his whining voice

  I am not listening

  In my head

  I’m someplace else

  I hear the crack of flaming wood

  smell smoky campfire burning

  lean against Mum’s knee

  listen to grannies tell stories

  In my head

  I’m home

  Sea is cold

  Ship is cold

  I am cold

  cold

  cold

  And afraid

  I huddle under a blanket

  hug myself

  rock

  cry

  Can’t see anyone

  they can’t see me

  Safer in here

  Reverend pulls my blanket away

  You would try

  the patience of a saint

  he huffs

  You need fresh air

  He pulls me up

  Fresh air is healthy for children

  He drags me with him

  I stomp, stomp, stomp!

  Stop that!

  But I don’t

  Reverend says

  Soon the ship

  will stop at our first port of call

  Watch for land in the distance

  a dot that gets bigger

  or a flat hill

  I thought the saltwater

  went on forever

  I hope you find your voice soon, child

  Reverend’s got that look

  on his face again

  The snappy look he gets

  when I won’t speak

  How will I know

  when you want something

  if you won’t tell me?

  I want to go home

  I want to smell warm rock

  Run along a sandy creek

  with my cousins

  Watch flowers grow

  after rain comes

  Hug little sister

  The ship sails and stops

  sails and stops

  I see land

  But I can’t walk it

  can’t dig my toes into the dirt

  can’t run

  Reverend says

  We’ve still got a long way to go

  before we reach our destination

  The ship sails

  and sails

  and sails me

  far

  far

  far away

  Somewhere

  behind the wind

  at the back of the sea

  is my country

  But how do I get there?

  I’m on deck

  searching waves for land

  Reverend is on deck

  searching waves for his straw hat

  The wind tugged it from his head

  and stole it away

  No hat

  thin white hair

  he’ll burn

  if the sun shines hot

  Hat bobs close

  Sinks

  Maybe the whale who swallowed Jonah

  will eat it

  Reverend talks, talks, talks

  about Jonah and the whale

  Jonah gave his soul

  to God

  then ran away

  God sent the whale

  to teach Jonah a lesson

  The whale wasn’t hungry or evil

  It was just a messenger

  So you see, it’s important

  to do what God tells you

  Will a whale swallow me

  if I don’t?

  Clouds race

  sky rolls

  lightning flashes

  thunder growls

  wind shrieks

  storm breaks

  Our ship rises

  shivers

  falls

  rises again

  Reverend says

  If the ship sinks

  every precious soul on board

  will be flung into the sea

  The Devil is always ready

  to do evil work

  Pray with me, child!

  My guts have their own storm

  I spew instead

  It is a long time

  before sea calms

  wind dies

  rain fades

  When we are allowed

  on deck again

  I stand below

  a river of colour

  diving over the ship

  into the sea

  Reverend squints at the sky

  A man named Noah

  built a ship

  to escape a great flood

  that destroyed the earth

  That rainbow you see

  is a sign of God’s grace

  a sign of hope

  I gaze at the rai
nbow

  If I could reach you

  I say in my head

  would you slide me home?

  Sunrise sparks a dim sky

  Sea birds swoop and call

  Reverend smiles

  Our journey is over

  This is our last port of call

  The storm is behind us

  civilisation ahead

  People fuss and scurry

  Reverend finds a quiet spot

  I’m glad to sit down

  I have something important to tell you

  I have given you a new name

  You are now called Anne

  Do you like the name Anne?

  I already have an english name

  Lots of people on the station

  have english names

  Boss won’t say language names

  but I have one

  My language name

  is the name Mum whispers

  when I’m sick

  The name she croons

  when she strokes my hair

  I love my language name

  Anne was the mother of the Virgin Mary

  The Virgin Mary’s family was blessed by God

  Anne is a name to be proud of!

  Reverend reaches for my hand

  I hide it behind my back

  His face twitches

  I mean you no harm, Anne

  But he won’t let me go!

  I am doing what is best for you

  But he will keep me trapped

  I hunch over

  stare at the deck

  He sighs

  You are as stif-necked as Jonah!

  When we leave the ship

  don’t run like Jonah did

  A port is a dangerous place for a child

  I’m sorry the Church didn’t claim you first

  But you will be in my prayers

  And don’t worry

  you won’t be alone

  A government man

  will meet us on the wharf

  He will take you to a place

  suitable for children like yourself

  A new home awaits you, Anne

  People rush about

  Some talk loud

  some laugh

  some push

  My heart is leaping

  like a panicked bird

  Reverend grips my arm

  Stay close to me

  People are eager to disembark

  That terrible storm frightened everyone

  It is only by the grace of God

  we have arrived safely

  I don’t want to stay on the ship

  but

  I don’t want to leave either

  What’s wrong with me?

  I hear Mum’s voice in my head

  Be strong

  When I am upset

  Mum always says

  Be strong

  like I know you are

  I take a shuddery gulp

  Tell myself – be strong

  Reverend pulls me along

  I breathe deeper

  pretend I am bigger

  taller

  older

  I walk like I’m not afraid

  like I am brave

  I step onto the wharf

  The land doesn’t move

  with my feet

  or sway with my legs

  like the sea does

  My knees crumple

  ground rushes up