Sister Heart Read online

and remember

  I am blind

  choking

  dying

  I am on the ship

  in the sea

  I am drowning

  Mum calls my name like a warning

  Eyes fly open

  breathe in

  breathe out

  not air — spew!

  Soup I ate for lunch stinks terrible

  I didn’t want to eat it

  Looked like the sea with floaty bits

  Now it’s all over the floor

  Janey wakes

  Hears me crying in the dark

  You have a bad dream, Annie?

  I did too!

  She cries with me

  In the morning

  we have red puffy eyes

  My mouth tastes sour

  Nancy gives me rags

  Clean up your mess

  Janey, Emmy and Dot help

  Nancy doesn’t

  Janey says

  If Nancy helped

  be more spew to clean

  Weak guts!

  Another girl holds her nose

  Pooh, you girls stink!

  Nancy snaps

  I seen you spew worse!

  When clean-up is done

  Nancy says

  Let’s fix Annie’s hair

  Knots are gone

  What’s wrong with my hair?

  Dot says

  Hair’s all bushy, Annie!

  Emmy giggles

  Proper nor’wester, alright!

  Nancy makes short things

  on the side of my head

  Now you got two fat plaits

  I’ve never had plaits before

  They make my neck cold

  Janey wiggles a plait

  But Nancy

  Teacher don’t like plaits

  fat or skinny

  Nancy shrugs

  Best we can do

  Teacher stares at my hair

  but she doesn’t growl

  I think she does like plaits

  A boy snickers

  Hey — funny hair!

  Quick as a wink

  Teacher darts over

  Whack!

  Boy rubs his hand

  tries not to cry

  tears leak out

  Another boy hisses

  Sissy!

  Whack!

  Boy rubs his knuckles

  tries not to cry

  A kid snorts

  Teacher snaps

  Timothy

  are you laughing?

  Exactly what are you laughing at?

  Janey turns her head

  eyes big and worried

  Tim’s coughin’, Teacher

  His chest’s been playin’ up!

  I sneak a look at Tim

  His face is red

  but I don’t think he was coughing

  Teacher points her stick at Tim

  Wear your jumper all day

  Yes teacher

  he splutters

  Tim’s striped jumper is a mess

  Sleeves short

  Neck tight

  Janey whispers

  No wool

  No wool this year

  to make him a bigger one

  After school

  Janey grabs Tim

  Hey, you coughin’

  or laughin’ in class?

  Laughin’!

  Those boys are mean

  Teacher got them bad, huh?

  I was laughin’ at them, Janey

  Your breath sounds wheezy, Tim

  Tim rubs his chest

  Gets tight in the cold

  Janey tugs his jumper lower

  He pushes her away

  Don’t fuss, sis!

  Tim ducks under her arm

  and runs

  Janey shrugs

  Tim’s got a weak chest

  but wildflowers are bloomin’

  Won’t need a jumper soon

  You watch, Annie

  Sun’ll get hotter and hotter

  be better for Tim

  be better for you too

  She dashes to the edge of the bush

  squats down

  See, Annie

  wildflowers!

  We call these ones bacon and eggs

  ’cause of their colour

  You ever eat bacon and eggs?

  The food

  not the flowers!

  I shake my head

  Janey licks her lips

  I did

  once

  Ooh, yummier than stinky soup

  My plaits are gone

  My hair is gone

  I am so shame!

  Janey says

  Aw, don’t cry, Annie!

  Everyone gets their head shaved

  Little kids run past

  Baldy! Baldy!

  Janey kicks sand at them

  Forget about ’em, Annie

  Might be baldy themselves soon!

  Some girls

  in the sleeping room

  tease me

  till Nancy thumps them

  I hide under my blanket

  Janey sits on my bed

  Come out, Annie

  Not coming out!

  Listen, I got shaved

  when it was freezin’ cold

  Head was a block of ice

  No hat to wear

  Cruel, that’s what it was!

  But sun’ll get hot real soon

  Baldy’s good in hot sun

  Hair gets sticky in the heat

  You won’t have sweat

  runnin’ down your neck

  from sticky hair

  And guess what?

  Me skull’s got freckles!

  Come out, Annie

  I’ll check your skull

  for freckles

  Who cares about freckles?

  Nancy says

  Leave her alone, Janey

  You know what it’s like!

  I hear Janey’s bed squeak

  as she lies down

  You be okay, Annie

  Promise!

  Each day

  I rub my cold ears

  rub my cold neck

  I need thick blood

  like Janey said

  but it hasn’t happened yet

  Janey says

  Hair grows quick

  if ya leave it alone

  and don’t think about it!

  Like

  if you pretend

  your guts are full

  they don’t hurt so much

  Or if you pretend

  you feel warm

  ya get a bit warmer

  I’m tellin’ you true, Annie

  Janey frowns

  Don’t believe me?

  Tell you what

  I’ll count off fourteen days

  that’s two whole weeks

  Then you can check, okay?

  Your hair will be longer

  Promise!

  I stop patting my head

  Janey smiles at me

  I’m not lyin’, honest!

  Janey is worrying for Tim

  She’s been looking for him

  but she can’t find him

  Tim’s a boy

  says Dot

  you a girl

  He can’t be with you

  all the time

  Boys’ll tease him

  says Emmy

  Call him sissy!

  You forget he’s not a baby

  says Nancy

  Anyway, you can stop worryin’

  I saw him with his mates

  Janey narrows her eyes

  True, Nancy?

  Nancy glares

  You callin’ me a liar?

  Janey won’t back down

  True, Nancy?

  Spit on your finger

  cross your heart

  true?

  Nancy belly-laughs

  True!

  Prickly little sou’wester

 
Janey moans

  Why does he hide from me?

  Nancy rolls her eyes

  That’s what boys do

  Forget boys!

  Let’s be girls

  make ourselves pretty

  Nancy finds

  a patch of bright flowers

  Janey shows me

  how to join them together

  I’ve got flowers round my neck

  round my head

  round my arms

  Nancy’s got more

  Nancy stands

  walks up and down

  nose in the air

  I’m Nancy

  queen of the world!

  The other girls laugh

  I don’t know what a queen is

  Janey elbows me

  Queen’s a boss

  Rich one

  says Emmy

  No one bosses a queen

  says Dot

  We bosses ourselves

  says Nancy

  we all queens today!

  We follow Nancy round

  pretty in our flowers

  noses in the air

  Queens of the world

  says Janey

  Clang! Clang! Clang!

  Nancy chucks her flowers on the ground

  This queen’s hungry

  Race you fellas!

  Inside the eating place

  Janey spots Tim

  He gives her a guilty wave

  I was stupid to worry, Annie

  Look at him

  sittin’ proud with his mates!

  When we get our soup

  Janey whispers

  Nancy, what do queens eat?

  Nancy whispers back

  Not this muck!

  If queens are bosses

  maybe they eat bacon and eggs!

  Got my head down

  Got my eyes closed

  Got my lips pressed tight

  Don’t pick me

  Don’t pick me

  Don’t pick me

  Tap – tap – tap

  goes Teacher’s stick

  Every day

  Teacher makes someone read out loud

  Every day

  I hope it won’t be me

  Tap – tap – tap

  Don’t worry

  whispers Janey

  you ain’t been here long enough

  to learn readin’

  Stick stops tapping

  Annie, stand up

  Janey gasps

  Nancy’s mouth drops open

  Teacher gives me an angry look

  like I am in big trouble

  like I have done something

  really bad

  I push back my chair

  Guts cramp with fear

  I stand up

  Teacher moves closer

  You are not deaf, Annie

  You are not dumb

  She waves her stick

  in front of my face

  like a snake

  ready to strike

  You can speak English

  It’s in your paperwork

  I wasn’t told

  but now I know

  You have been lying to me, Annie

  Have you been laughing

  behind my back with the other girls?

  I shake my head

  How long did you think

  you could trick me?

  Not tricking her

  Not tricking anyone

  If you can speak

  you will speak!

  Teacher takes a deep breath

  Mary had a little lamb

  its fleece was white as snow

  everywhere that Mary went

  the lamb was sure to go

  Say the rhyme, Annie!

  My voice won’t work

  I can’t say it

  Teacher’s face is red

  and twisted

  and furious

  You are not the first

  rebellious child

  to arrive here

  Whack!

  She smacks the stick hard

  on my table

  Janey and Nancy

  jerk in surprise

  Teacher waits for me to speak

  waits

  and waits

  Hand holding the stick is shaking bad

  Put out your hands!

  I hold out my trembling hands

  She brings the stick

  down flat on my palms

  whack – whack!

  whack – whack!

  Hurts

  I – will – not – cry!

  Teacher grabs my arm

  pulls me out

  Hits my back

  my legs

  again and again

  harder and harder

  I shove her away

  and run from school

  Run

  run

  run

  to the crying tree

  Later

  in the crying tree

  Janey looks at the marks

  on my hands

  and back

  and legs

  You got bruises

  and cuts

  and skin is swellin’ up

  some of the cuts are bleedin’

  She got you with the hard edge

  I hate her, Annie

  says Tim

  She’s like a big boy bully

  but lots meaner

  He gives me a mudlark feather

  to help me feel better

  Legs’ll be stiff tomorrow

  says Janey

  But if you pretend

  they not killin’ you

  won’t hurt so much

  I think I will hurt bad

  no matter what I pretend!

  I am not allowed

  to have dinner

  because

  it is disrespectful

  to trick Teacher

  and laugh behind her back

  Only I didn’t

  I am not allowed

  to have dinner

  because

  I have done something

  really bad

  I shoved Teacher

  I am not allowed

  to have dinner

  because

  I don’t know my place

  If I ever

  touch Teacher again

  I will get the cane

  or the strap

  or worse

  Janey

  sneaks bread

  into the sleeping room

  Nancy

  sneaks bush berries

  Emmy and Dot

  sneak wet rags

  to cool my bruises

  and wipe the bits of blood

  I am too sad to eat bread and berries

  Eatin’ makes you tougher

  Janey says

  You got to get tougher, Annie

  Nuh, Janey

  says Nancy

  Teacher got it in for her now

  Be watchin’ for a chance

  to have another go

  Annie got to talk

  But I can’t talk

  Sometimes

  I feel my voice

  rattling inside me

  like a trapped thing

  trying to get out

  My voice got lost

  when bully boots policeman

  took me from the station

  Don’t know

  when it will come back

  I dream

  I am with Aunty Adie

  working in the Big House

  on the station

  When I was little

  Aunty is telling me

  I had to be learning new things

  Now

  you have to be learning new things, too

  The Big House

  is a different world

  to the out-camp

  Boss likes his own way

  I wanted to stay with Mum

  in the out-camp all the time

  I didn’t wa
nt to work in the Big House

  Aunty’s face goes blank

  This is my outside face

  Aunty’s face goes smiley

  This is my inside face

  She pats my cheek gently

  You do the same

  I make an outside face

  I make an inside face

  I wake crying

  School is a different world

  different to the station

  different to the ship

  When I left the ship

  I left with an outside face

  I walked like I wasn’t afraid

  even though I was

  I walked like I was brave

  If I walk like I am tough

  will I get tougher?

  Hope so

  This bad place

  is getting badder

  In the morning

  Janey says

  You okay, Annie?

  I hurt all over

  But I nod that I’m okay

  Don’t run, will ya?

  I’m worryin’ you’ll run

  How does Janey know

  I’ve been watching the track

  that lets people into this place?

  Ever since I got here

  I have been wondering

  if I follow the track

  if I keep running

  will I get home?

  I am a good runner

  Faster than my cousins

  When I run

  no one can catch me

  Runnin’ is bad

  Janey says

  Nearly everyone gets caught

  I ran once

  Got caught

  got big trouble with it!

  But that was when I first come here

  before I found Tim

  Can’t run now

  can’t leave me little brother

  I want to run far away

  I want to run

  and run

  and run

  But a ship brought me here

  How can I run on water?

  Janey says

  I’ll make you a promise, Annie

  I’ll get Teacher back for what she did

  You watch

  I’m gunna make her pay!

  My legs slowly get better

  marks fade

  cuts scab

  But Janey’s legs

  are hurting something terrible!

  Janey is lying on her belly

  on her bed

  She got the strap

  for stealing Teacher’s glasses

  Why you steal ’em, Janey?

  asks Nancy

  Ya didn’t even hide ’em

  Dot says

  Everyone saw ’em

  says Emmy

  pokin’ up under ya top

  Course someone gunna tell

  on you for a sweet!

  Janey laughs

  then winces in pain

  I got them glasses

  real sweaty and foggy

  When Teacher yelled

  at me to give ’em back

  I dropped the stinky things

  right into her hands

  Shoulda seen her face

  thought she might spew

  You reckon she wear

  them mucky things now?

  Nancy laughs

  You a smart little sou’wester!

  Janey is smart

  Tough too

  But Janey is hurting

  I pick up my blanket

  I lay it softly over her

  Janey groans

  What Teacher gunna do without glasses?