Charlie Burr and the Great Shed Invasion Read online

  The girls were disgusted. So was Mum.

  ‘Wrap it in a garbage bag and stick it on the back verandah,’ she said. ‘I’m not having it in the house.’

  Johnno and me went down the side of the house with the bone. Mum went into the kitchen and fetched a garbage bag. We wrapped the bone up snug and tight and put it on a shelf on the back verandah. Then the girls came out the back door. I could see by the looks on their faces they were determined to have a say about something.

  ‘The avocados in that face mask cost a for tune,’ said Sharni.

  ‘You owe us big-time, Charlie!’ said Tia. ‘So when are you going to pay us back?’

  ‘You boys can do something nice for the girls on the weekend,’ said Mum, ‘to make up for wasting the avocados.’

  I felt relieved. That was better than paying them cash.

  Then I saw the evil looks on my sisters’ faces.

  ‘Something nice,’ I reminded them. ‘That’s what Mum said.’

  They just laughed.

  ‘By the way, Charlie,’ Mum said, ‘I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you.’

  What had I done now?

  ‘The bad news,’ said Mum, ‘is that I bumped into Mrs Wilson at the post office. She told me you and Johnno have a special project due in tomorrow.’

  My teacher had turned into the world’s biggest dobber!

  ‘The good news,’ Mum went on, ‘is that your grandpa dropped off a book for you. He said it might help you with your project. I want you and Johnno to finish that homework tonight.’

  After dinner, Johnno and me took Grandpa’s book to my room. It was a book on Captain Cook. We stretched out on the floor and read all about the captain’s ship, how far he’d sailed, and how he never swore. Yeah—right! It was pretty hard going. I wanted to save my brainpower to work out how to find Fluffy. I had to win that reward money and give it to Dad.

  ‘Grandpa Ted was right!’ Johnno said.

  He was pointing at a painting of Captain Cook standing on a beach. He was dressed in trousers, boots, a long-sleeved shirt and a heavy jacket. Probably he was wearing thick woollen socks, too. And there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Boy, was he asking for sunstroke!

  Johnno laughed. ‘Poor fella. Reckon he might’ve been a bit loony, Charlie. All rugged up like that!’

  Suddenly I had a deadly idea. I pulled out some paper and pencils and started drawing.

  My Captain Cook was dressed in a fur coat, gloves and sheepskin boots. I gave him his wig back, too.

  Johnno loved it! He drew a stinking-hot sun with big teeth. Then he coloured in blobs of sweat on the captain’s face.

  ‘But we can’t just draw a picture, remember?’ I said to Johnno. ‘We have to think of some words as well.’

  ‘I’ve thought of some words,’ said Johnno.

  I was shocked.

  South Pole this way! he wrote at the bottom of the picture, and drew an arrow as well.

  ‘Finished!’ said Johnno.

  But the picture didn’t feel finished to me. So I drew Pig sliding down a sand dune with his mouth open.

  ‘Do you have any words, Charlie?’ said Johnno.

  He looked smug. The South Pole thing had gone to his head.

  ‘Of course I’ve got words!’ I said. Then I wrote:

  FOUND!

  One British bloke.

  Sweaty. Sunburnt. Confused.

  Good condition otherwise.

  Answers to the name of James Cook.

  If this is your lost bloke, then please contact the finders at Botany Bay.

  Will only keep for seven days.

  I got the idea from Mum’s cat poster. Mrs Wilson would be super impressed!

  You won’t believe this, but I dreamed I was Fluffy—again! This time I was curled up in a cosy place and my stomach was full. ‘Prrrrrt!’ a voice kept saying. ‘Prrrrrt!

  ’ When I woke up, Johnno was leaning over me, staring.

  ‘Are you all right?’ he said. ‘You’ve been saying, “Prrrrrt!” for ages.’

  I reckoned the Prrrrrt sound was Fluffy talking to me. She was alive and missing Mum! It was just her cat pride that wouldn’t let her be found. And that was because the person trying to catch her was her mortal enemy—me! So all I had to do was somehow convince Fluffy I was her friend. Even if I wasn’t.

  Then I remembered the cat treats that Johnno had kept feeding to Fluffy. She’d loved them so much, she never stopped eating them until they made her sick. She might love me too, if I turned up with her treats. And then she’d let me take her home. I’d be able to claim the reward money and everything would be okay again.

  I almost felt happy when I went into the kitchen for breakfast. But then the girls gave me and Johnno a dirty look and the happy feeling faded away again.

  They were still mad about their yucky face mask. Selfish, really. We did them a favour by eating it. Anything that tastes that bad can’t be good for your skin.

  I sat down at the table and waited for one of them to say something nasty.

  Nothing.

  Then I realised they were giving me and Johnno the silent treatment. At first I felt angry, but then I realised what it meant. No sneaky whispers. No horrible teasing. No dobbing. No annoying questions about Johnno’s brother. No complaints.

  Happiness returned!

  After breakfast, I told Johnno my idea. He grabbed the cat treats from under my mattress and gave them to me. So that was where he’d hidden them!

  Then Johnno snatched the bone from the shelf on the back verandah and we set off. He said he thought the bone felt kind of squirmy, but I said it was just the meat going soggy.

  On the way to school we swung by the conservation area. Frank King wasn’t there, so I stuck a note under the windscreen wipers of his truck:

  Hot on Grabber’s trail!

  ‘But that’s a lie,’ Johnno said. ‘We haven’t even seen Frank’s dog.’

  ‘I’m keeping his hopes up so he won’t get depressed,’ I said.

  ‘Sorry, Charlie,’ Johnno said. ‘I didn’t realise you were being kind.’

  Of course I was being kind. Also, I was making sure Frank King didn’t ask any other kids to hunt for Grabber, because that hundred bucks was ours!

  I scattered the stinky cat treats through the scrub. Some of them went under fallen branches and bushes. Fluffy liked hunting things out, so I wanted to make it interesting for her.

  ‘Prrrrrt!’ I called. ‘Prrrrrt! A lovely present for you, Fluffy. From your friend, Charlie!’

  I didn’t know where Fluffy was hiding, exactly, but the treats would draw her out. She’d stick around until every last treat was found, and that would give me time to catch her.

  Then Johnno and me walked a bit further into the scrub to set up a trap for Grabber. But when Johnno pulled the bone out of the plastic bag, it was crawling with maggots.

  ‘Do you think Grabber will still want it?’ Johnno said.

  ‘Of course! The maggots are more meat!’ I told him.

  We tied a bit of rope around the maggoty bone, then Johnno took the end of the rope and started climbing a gum tree.

  ‘Promise you’ll yell out if the maggots crawl up the rope,’ he said.

  I told him I would. Not!

  He looped the rope over a branch and hoisted the smelly bone into the air. Soon it was swinging free.

  By tomorrow, Grabber would be circling. It was low enough for a dog to nudge if he jumped high enough, but too high to get a good grip on it with his teeth. At the same time, Fluffy would be searching for the treats she’d missed.

  For the first time this week, I felt like things were going right. One way or another, we’d end up with a hundred bucks reward money and paying back Dad for the shed invasion would be easy.

  Mrs Wilson was stunned when she saw our homework. I thought it was because a maggot was clinging to Captain Cook’s leg. But, even when it dropped onto her dress, she kept on looking stunned and staring at our homework.

>   ‘Found!’ Mrs Wilson read. ‘One British bloke!’

  I explained how the captain wasn’t a finder, he was a loser.

  ‘Captain Cook was the world’s greatest navigator!’ Mrs Wilson said.

  Then she pointed to my drawing of Pig. ‘Seaweed doesn’t have eyes,’ she said.

  I didn’t tell her it was You-know-who.

  ‘And what’s this?’ she asked, pointing to the top of a wave.

  It was something I’d added early that morning.

  ‘That’s the captain’s ship,’ I said. ‘It’s just sailed over the other side of that big wave. So all you can see is the flag.’

  ‘But it’s a pirate flag!’

  ‘Grandpa told me that’s what’s on the other side of the British flag.’

  Mrs Wilson made a funny noise, like she had a bad taste in her mouth. Or maybe a maggot.

  ‘Grandpa said if you want to know more about Captain Cook, he’d be glad to have a cup of tea and a biscuit with you and tell you all about him,’ I told Mrs Wilson.

  ‘That won’t be necessary, Charlie,’ she said. ‘But I am pleased you and Johnson have handed in your project on time. Now, take your seats.’

  ‘Do you think she liked what we did?’ Johnno whispered, when we were sitting at our desks.

  ‘She was blown away, mate!’ I said. ‘Reckon we know even more about Captain Cook than Mrs Wilson does!’

  After school, Johnno and me raced off to check whether Fluffy and Grabber had been lured in by our cunning traps. The truck was still empty, but on the bottom of the note I’d left, Frank King had written:

  Thanks, Charlie!

  The bone was still hanging from the tree, but the maggots were gone. I bet the crows had enjoyed the wrigglies! There was no sign of a cat or a dog, but I figured Fluffy was around somewhere. Half the treats had been eaten.

  ‘Prrrrrt!’ I called. ‘What a beaut friend Charlie is, Fluffy! He’ll be back tomorrow with more yummy treats!’

  ‘I dunno, Charlie,’ said Johnno. ‘Maybe Fluffy isn’t here. Maybe it was a lizard that ate the treats.’

  We were halfway home when we heard the sound of a car zooming up behind us.

  ‘Look at the sky, boys!’ Grandpa said, pulling in next to us. ‘Been a long time since it was this overcast!’

  I looked up. The clouds were churning and changing colour to a deep grey.

  ‘Reckon Cyclone Betty might take a swipe at us,’ Grandpa said. ‘Gotta find the big fella before then. You haven’t spotted him, have you?’

  I shook my head. Then Johnno and me thanked him for the help he’d given us with our Captain Cook project.

  ‘And guess what, Grandpa?’ I said. ‘I even put Pig in the picture!’

  Grandpa got all choked up. ‘Reckon I know why you did that, Charlie. Your spirit must’ve picked up on how worried I’ve been. You watch, my boy. That snake will turn up now. You’ve called him home!’

  Grandpa gave us a lift home and decided to stay for dinner. After dinner he was going to pick up Granny Mary from her place, then drive Mum, my sisters, and Granny Mary around town on a last hunt for junk-pile bargains.

  Granny is the best bargain hunter in the whole shire. Last year she even found me some superhero comics. Funny how it’s okay for the girls to collect stuff, but as soon as I bring something home, Mum tells me to get rid of it!

  But when it was time to go, Mum changed her mind. ‘I’m too depressed about Fluffy to leave the house!’ she said. ‘Especially with a cyclone coming.’

  ‘Don’t worr y about Fluffy!’ I said. ‘Reckon I’ll have her for you by Sunday!’

  ‘It’s nice of you to try and keep my hopes up, Charlie!’ she said. ‘But Fluffy is such a beautiful cat, it wouldn’t surprise me if some tourists passing through town picked her up and took her home with them.’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Tia. ‘Who wouldn’t want Fluffy?’

  Me, for one! But I didn’t say that.

  So Mum stayed home and the girls went off with Grandpa. They promised Mum they’d look out for plant pots for her. Mum invited Johnno and me to watch a show about pedigree cats with her in the lounge room. It was really boring. I was glad when everyone returned only half an hour later. But the gladness didn’t last long.

  Sharni, Tia and Granny Mary burst through the front door yelling and crying. Grandpa followed. He kept running his hand through his hair, like he didn’t know what to do.

  ‘What’s going on?’ demanded Mum, switching off the television. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘P-P-P …’ sobbed Granny Mary.

  ‘Paddles!’ said Sharni. ‘He’s gone missing!’

  ‘That dear little duck’s been gone for two days, Shirl,’ said Granny. ‘I know he’s done it before, but I don’t think the little fella is coming back this time!’

  ‘P-P-Pig!’ sobbed Tia. ‘Grandpa wanted us to look for his snake, instead of searching for bargains!’

  Mum was confused. ‘Dad,’ she said. ‘What’s all this about?’

  ‘I was desperate, love,’ he said. ‘With that cyclone coming. The more people looking, the better!’

  Then Grandpa turned to me. His eyes were pleading for help.

  ‘Charlie Burr!’ Mum snapped. ‘What do you know that I don’t?’

  ‘Er, the thing is, Mum,’ I said, ‘Pig is missing, too. He disappeared right after Grandpa gave the talk to my class. Three days ago.’

  ‘Is that all?’ said Mum. ‘Well, I wouldn’t worr y too much. Pythons are pretty good at taking care of themselves.’

  Poor Mum, she just didn’t get it. Maybe she didn’t realise how hungry pythons get.

  Johnno was looking worried. He nudged me, then put his hands around his neck and quietly made the sound of a strangled quack.

  ‘Quaaaarrrk! Erk—quaaaarrrk!’ he whispered.

  Granny Mary saw him do it and her eyes went big.

  So did Mum’s. ‘Oh, Dad!’ she cried. ‘Had Pig been fed before you lost him?’

  Grandpa shook his head.

  ‘Pig has swallowed Paddles!’ wailed Tia.

  Talk about a drama queen.

  ‘And probably Fluffy, too!’ said Sharni.

  Make that two drama queens!

  ‘Calm down, everyone,’ said Grandpa. ‘Shirl, that cat of yours is too cunning to become a python’s meal.’

  Mum nodded reluctantly. ‘Fluffy is a very clever cat,’ she said.

  ‘And as for that duck of yours, Mar y,’ said Grandpa, ‘he comes and goes as he pleases. He always returns. There’s nothing to worr y about.’

  Grandpa was right. Paddles often took a stroll down the main street, but he always went back to Granny.

  But Granny was furious. ‘Paddles is my duck, not yours, Ted!’ she yelled. ‘What would you know?’

  Then she grabbed Mum’s big wooden coolamon off the coffee table and raised it in the air like it was a weapon.

  ‘It was your snake that ate my duck,’ she said. ‘That makes you a murdering devil!’

  That was enough for Grandpa. He bolted out the front door, jumped into his car, and took off. I reckoned he was fed up with the drama and had headed off to search for Pig on his own.

  Mum put her arm around Granny. ‘I’m sure Paddles is okay,’ she said.

  Granny shook her head and handed her the coolamon. ‘No, Shirl,’ she sobbed, ‘that’s one big hungry python Ted’s been looking after. I reckon Pig got my duck and your cat!’

  Granny’s panic seemed to be catching.

  Mum hadn’t been too worried before, but now a look of terror flashed across her face.

  ‘Charlie!’ she yelled. ‘Why didn’t you boys tell me Pig was missing?’

  Sharni and Tia burst into tears and put their arms around Mum and Granny. Then Mum started crying, too.

  ‘Poor Fluffy! Poor baby girl!’ she sobbed.

  Mum shouldn’t cry when Dad’s away. He’s the only one who knows how to fix her. Well, sort of.

  ‘I’m sure Fluffy isn’t dea
d, Mum!’ I told her.

  Mum shoved the coolamon at me. ‘Not a word, Charlie!’ she said.

  Granny, my sisters and Mum all went into Mum’s bedroom together for a Big Cry.

  I put the coolamon back on the coffee table.

  ‘Charlie,’ said Johnno, ‘do you think Pig ate Paddles?’

  I shook my head. ‘Granny Mary always panics when Paddles goes missing. He’ll be back.’

  At least, I hoped so.

  ‘But maybe Fluffy didn’t eat the cat treats we put out,’ said Johnno. ‘Maybe Pig did.’

  ‘Listen, Johnno,’ I said, ‘if Fluffy was dead, then I wouldn’t have got the creeps like she was spying on me, would I?’

  ‘I guess not,’ he said. ‘And like Aunty Shirl said, Fluffy is one smart cat. You’re very lucky to have her.’

  Lucky? Yeah, right!

  Johnno and me went to my room.

  It was Friday already and things seemed to be getting worse, not better. I reached into my pocket and felt Fluffy’s collar.

  Please be okay, Fluffy! Please, please, please! I thought.

  Mum would never forgive me if she wasn’t. And if Dad returned home to find his good gear missing and no money for new tools, he’d be even madder about me losing the key to his shed. I needed a huge lucky break. Otherwise, come Sunday, I was going to be Charlie Burr— the world’s biggest loser!

  I had a terrible nightmare last night. I was sitting with Pig, who was sunning himself on a big granite rock. There were two lumps inside his long body. I bent down and said, ‘Fluffy? Paddles? Is anyone in there?’

  Once I was awake, I didn’t think Pig had really eaten Paddles. And I wouldn’t have felt Fluffy staring at me if she was gone. Unless she was staring right through the lining of a snake’s stomach! Granny Mary stayed with us last night. Tia slept with Mum, and Granny had Tia’s bed. When Johnno and me went into the kitchen for breakfast, Granny Mary was sitting at the table with Mum and the girls, eating buttered toast.

  ‘Charlie,’ Mum said, ‘the shovel’s on the back verandah. Can you please dig me a hole down near your Dad’s shed?’

  Johnno came out with me. He was too scared to stay inside with all the women.